the festival of light

"Darkness cannot drive out darkness; Only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: Only love can do that." ~Martin Luther King Jr.

At the start of today's flow, I was supposed to make a dedication to a moment or a person or an event that makes me smile, or that i am thankful for. But today, too many of such moments and events and persons came to my mind and in a hurry, i decided it has to be my yoga teacher for today's class.

As always, I feel so good after leigh's class. Its like the most heavenly state of mind i have experienced.

I cant decide whether is it she always does my favorite poses during her classes or was it because of her classes i grew to love these poses more. In any case, i did a few more child poses than the sequence she planned sets out to do but its okay i forgive myself entirely.

(At this very moment she popped out and asked if im feeling ok? And i almost went 'yup! Just blogging about you'. Im not sure if she knows or if she cares too much that she's bringing so much good to other people's life)

Im thankful for fellow classmates who practise good yogic etiquette and granted me a peaceful savasana to surrender in - after a pretty intense class for me and the mad rush prior cos I alighted at wrong station. Again! How silly! - Some light chatters but they quickly fade away into the melodic splatters of the rain. How nice to be able to just admire the rain and listen to its melody and not having to worry about nothing for a bit. Then i wonder, what do i usually HAVE to worry about anyways!

Holidays are good. Happy Dewali! :)

Pretty Gleesome

The greatest thing about the organisation I am working with is that its filled with highly-motivated, competent and efficient people. I don't mean every single one is, of course, no place is like that (there will always be those who are just really good at interviews heh). And hence, when things are stalling or beginning to turn backwards /downwards, its so easy to just find one pillar and lean against, take a breather, regain strength, adjust the lens and RE-FOCUS.

So that's right - FOCUS is the word. Focusing on the long term goals, on creating real values, on following the heart's ultimate desires, on the small steps in the right direction, on making everyday count. Everything else in the background can be blurred and dreamy effect and be forgotten and that's ok.

I haven't met a Nicholas in this life whom I dislike and lets just say, post Friday's lunch, it was gleesome to say the least. I'm grateful for the inspirations - and a good closure to the blind, hard work of last year. :)

At the end of the day, there are so many ways to propel forward - 'gotta keep going!

Being 25 for 1 last hour

I will miss being 25.

Youth is such beautiful thing and i must say departing the '25 and below' bracket is a tad painful. Of course I don't turn old in the instant the clock strikes 12midnight but increasingly, over this last year especially, I find the chances of turning out to be the youngest in any given group of people is down near zero and 'being young' is no longer an explanation or a forgivable excuse for any shortcomings from me as a fully established human being.

Being the youngest at home (fine, this is the only permanent) and youngest or same age amongst most of my groups of friends (I suspect natural attraction), I never needed nor knew how to extend the sort of support a more senior peer would to a junior one - simply put, I don't know how to act like a big sister. I might have all along, in the past 25 years of my existence, expect people to guide me along give me attention and take care of me. I'm never that eldest child, who figures out everything on my own cos there's just no one else to tell me how or willing to stand down and let the younger one win. There's just no one's there to fight me all this while - even if I want to share, everyone else have moved ahead beyond me.

I know I'm independent though, that's a given. But my kind of independence skew towards self-centred interests. I'm independent cos I just want to do my own thing - not entirely because I have the full ability and perseverance to make things happen on my own....

In any case, today I got a cake. It marks the start.

I'm starting to hang out with boys younger than me at work - they are in fact, my youngest friends and colleagues I have come to clique in my entire life. They exude even more maturity and confidence than I do, I don't know why and where did the initial discomfort and excessive self-consciousness sprouted from. Then it dawned upon me that the world and circumstances around me can change drastically, but I am still me. Me, is not a relative. I am not good because the others are bad or I am not lousy because others have more experience. Me, is that inside me - that who I really am. Its the soul that needs the nourishment, not the superficial me that I need to be too worried about.

I have been told that at age 26, its no longer cute to not know what's going on in the world. That affected me tremendously. I cant possibly be 26 and not making a difference to the world I am living in, can I ?! I have a lot to catch up.

And I took a peep into my bank account - at the savings I have accumulated over the past 3 years of slogging in the corporate world. I am glad and have no regrets at all about the the travelling I have done. Even the more depressing trips have shaped who I am today and make me a smarter traveller going forward. I will continue to travel voraciously. But apart from which, I need to manage my finances better and not just succumbing to wants  so easily - the inability to postpone gratification, as I last read, was used to explain toddlers who cry out loud cos they have no real sense of time- really should not quite apply to a 26 year-old. Honestly, the patience/calm might well make me a better negotiator - knowing the world wont fall upon me just because I dont get to own the one thing/term in front of my face right here and now.

I grew to love the friends who stood with me through thick and thin even more. And I love them genuinely for who they are. They do no have to live up to my expectations of them, they being who they are, is already perfect. The choices in life they make for themselves, are brilliant. The words and speech they use to portray and express themselves, that's individualism deserving utmost respect. And I will offer them genuine appreciation, for being who they are, for coming into my life, for staying and for contributing to who I am, who I get to be today. At the end  of the day, we are all only human,  we are all trying to be better everyday. Forgiveness, for yourself and for others, is actually very simple and straight-forward.

At age 25, I say - yoga, travelling and yuanzheng have taught me huge lessons in life. Very priceless lessons that have readied me to welcome the challenges and opportunities of life in year number 26!

Blue Whale

Big Wig

Blueberry Whip-cream

Bay Watch

Beautiful Waters

Beckoning Wanderlust

Boundless Wonderland

Bewitching Wisdom

British Wit

Blessed Wife

Believing Woman

Blissful Weddings

Best Workplace

right, that would be waaayyy too idealistic.

 

 

 

but truth is, I like where I am. :)

And I want to believe that, while it may not be easy at all, things can only get better each day.

A long weekend

 

I had my hair permed. And above sits the accomplice in crime. One who fans the growing temptation in me to just give it a shot. To be more accurate, we mutually tempted each other for months. We didn't take any 'after' pictures for obvious reasons. Well, I reckon it takes some getting used to to the new look. Meanwhile, I think hers will settle to look like this:

 

Which is gorgeous. :) As for me, I refrain from whining. But no, not regretting it.

 

*

Caught The Great Gatsby on a whim on Friday night. It was a case of 'hey its still rather early and why not catch a midnight movie'. A little heavy for a classic with a tad too much dialogue at 1AM to stay engrossed, but watching the beautiful images of the places, fashion in the 1920s and Carrey Mulligan was plain delightful.

Its easy to praise the relevance of the story in today's world (which is after almost a century later) and be impressed with the way Fitzgerald uses the language so stylistically and non-excessively. But remembering there's so much depth to the story, I guess most importantly, disregarding the discussion about context of patriarchal society, it leaves me pondering which is the better way to live -- to always be seeking to be noticed, accepted, loved and eventually, be forgiven or be one on the giving end, all willing to commit your life to faithfully pursue what you truly believe in.

"All right… I’m glad it’s a girl. I hope she’ll be a fool–that’s the best thing a girl can be in this world, a beautiful little fool… You see, I think everything’s terrible anyhow… And I know. I’ve been everywhere and seen everything and done everything.” 

"Gatsby believed in the green light, the orgastic future that year by year recedes before us. It eluded us then, but that’s no matter—tomorrow we will run faster, stretch out our arms farther. . . . And then one fine morning—
So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past" 

I thought this was the most challenging scene in the movie - a 3-sconds long feature to illustrate a respectable smile. In my opinion, Leonardo nailed it.

"He smiled understandingly–much more than understandingly. It was one of those rare smiles with a quality of eternal reassurance in it, that you may come across four or five times in life. It faced–or seemed to face–the whole external world for an instant, and then concentrated on you with an irresistible prejudice in your favor. It understood you just so far as you wanted to be understood, believed in you as you would like to believe in yourself and assured you that it had precisely the impression of you that, at your best, you hoped to convey."

 

 

就是爱走冤枉路。。。

Odyssey!

Its magical, how experiencing TJCSB always inspires so much introspection. And it gives me this urge to want to pen down the thoughts, the moments, so when things turn bleak, there's always these awesome memories to turn to for comfort.

I can never say this enough. TJ band has to be one of the best things that has happened in my life. For me, it isn't so much about making music per say. I went to NTU band, and eventually got so turned off by the bandmates there I quitted. That got me questioning about my passion for music making. (I guess I only truly learn what being passionate about something after I picked up Ulty and going through all the traumatic moments with the knee injury) So today, I'm proud being an active concert audience. I'm glad hearing trumpet screams, jazzy upbeats and luscious woodwinds still thrills me upside-down and makes my heart race. As in, at least that part of me has never quite wavered.

But I guess what's most important, there in TJ band, I met a big bunch of respectable people who've played a huge, huge role in shaping my ideals today. They are the sort who I want to become, and if I have kids, I would want my kids to grow up and be like them. From linsheng, to ms chew, to the 'year 3' seniors to my batchmates to my juniors. They gave me the confidence and all the support to be me, to step out and up, to fail but not be judged, to just laugh out loud, to speak my mind. And with them, I will become a version of me which I like best -- Happy, driven, expressive....

Going back to TJ on Saturday, memories of old times were actually pretty vague. I was not overwhelmed by familiarity of things and sorts. It has been a really long time, and since entering the working world, a huge emotional part of me has actually become desensitized. (It's much like a self-defense mechanism to detach myself from what's usually uncontrollable, or put it this way - an important tool to deal with differences of human. Digression complete.) Its not like a good thing nor bad, it's just part of growing up I guess. But when the alumni band played during the concert that evening, I was overwhelmed with joy. That warm and fuzzy feeling, brought me all the way back to tune-in, to the time when I was 16, gasping at how unbelievably cool this band was. All that crazy fun, yet when it comes to music proper, we were be pretty stunning... and magical. This was the band, who showed me what true friendship/camaraderie is, what team work, diligence, humility is, how listening works, how love feels like. And in all that positivities, we rocked. ;) 

In the eyes of many, we're definitely not the best. Not even ourselves, we do not really think so do we. Well, there are people who call us lucky. Some even mock us when we do silly things. But little do they know, to us, what matters more isn't so much what they are after. 

tjcsb is love. 

In today's yoga practice, I made a dedication to this awesome community where i once belonged to. The community which has given me pride and confidence to stand by my ideals, my values. I'm reminded I don't need to try to fit in with the negative influences just because succumbing is the easy and most convenient thing to do. I choose to steer clear and refuse to be stained, cos I know better what genuine happiness is, I know who are the people I look up to and what are the directions I should work towards. I've been there, I've met them, I know what I'm after and what matters.