I can never say this enough. TJ band has to be one of the best things that has happened in my life. For me, it isn't so much about making music per say. I went to NTU band, and eventually got so turned off by the bandmates there I quitted. That got me questioning about my passion for music making. (I guess I only truly learn what being passionate about something after I picked up Ulty and going through all the traumatic moments with the knee injury) So today, I'm proud being an active concert audience. I'm glad hearing trumpet screams, jazzy upbeats and luscious woodwinds still thrills me upside-down and makes my heart race. As in, at least that part of me has never quite wavered.
But I guess what's most important, there in TJ band, I met a big bunch of respectable people who've played a huge, huge role in shaping my ideals today. They are the sort who I want to become, and if I have kids, I would want my kids to grow up and be like them. From linsheng, to ms chew, to the 'year 3' seniors to my batchmates to my juniors. They gave me the confidence and all the support to be me, to step out and up, to fail but not be judged, to just laugh out loud, to speak my mind. And with them, I will become a version of me which I like best -- Happy, driven, expressive....
Going back to TJ on Saturday, memories of old times were actually pretty vague. I was not overwhelmed by familiarity of things and sorts. It has been a really long time, and since entering the working world, a huge emotional part of me has actually become desensitized. (It's much like a self-defense mechanism to detach myself from what's usually uncontrollable, or put it this way - an important tool to deal with differences of human. Digression complete.) Its not like a good thing nor bad, it's just part of growing up I guess. But when the alumni band played during the concert that evening, I was overwhelmed with joy. That warm and fuzzy feeling, brought me all the way back to tune-in, to the time when I was 16, gasping at how unbelievably cool this band was. All that crazy fun, yet when it comes to music proper, we were be pretty stunning... and magical. This was the band, who showed me what true friendship/camaraderie is, what team work, diligence, humility is, how listening works, how love feels like. And in all that positivities, we rocked. ;)
In the eyes of many, we're definitely not the best. Not even ourselves, we do not really think so do we. Well, there are people who call us lucky. Some even mock us when we do silly things. But little do they know, to us, what matters more isn't so much what they are after.
tjcsb is love.
In today's yoga practice, I made a dedication to this awesome community where i once belonged to. The community which has given me pride and confidence to stand by my ideals, my values. I'm reminded I don't need to try to fit in with the negative influences just because succumbing is the easy and most convenient thing to do. I choose to steer clear and refuse to be stained, cos I know better what genuine happiness is, I know who are the people I look up to and what are the directions I should work towards. I've been there, I've met them, I know what I'm after and what matters.
